The cost of decision

"God designed man to be a daily recipient of revelation knowledge. In the Garden of Eden, man walked and talked with God. Adam and Eve were receiving revelation knowledge daily from Almighty God. Jesus also demonstrated this life-style of doing nothing out of His own initiative, but only what He heard and saw the Father doing (Jn. 5:19,20,30).Satan’s Temptation - That man descend to reasoned knowledge.Satan entered God’s perfect plan with a temptation: Man could become like God, and man could know right from wrong. Man would no longer need to receive revelation from God, but he could turn to his own mind and he himself could know – separate and apart from God (Gen. 3:5)." (Mark Virkler -Revelation Knowledge Versus Reasoned Knowledge and the Implications for Bible Colleges)

"To put human ability in the place of divine grace is to exalt the carnal above the spiritual. The effect will be manifested in many different areas.

For example:
Theology will be exalted above revelation;
Intellectual education above character building;
Psychology above discernment;
Program above the leading of the Holy Spirit;
Eloquence above supernatural power;
Reasoning above the walk of faith;
Laws above love.

All of these errors are different manifestations of one great basic error; putting man in a place God has reserved solely for the Lord Jesus Christ." (Page 90,91 of Blessings Or Curse by Derek Prince)

Lord I recognise that I am at a crossroads right now. Holy Spirit, in me there is NO good thing, and I need you deeply. You stirred and invited me to pursue One Thing four years ago. By Your grace alone the wooing continues. But as You continually beckon me, new or perhaps just deeply rooted temptations, grow stronger also whispering to me. I saw religion's 'fruit' and it was pleasing to my eye. I could make sense of it all. I could reason. But your voice told me something different...the vision you gave me I could not grasp. I am so enticed to taste the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I struggled with hearing and believing your voice....and now, with wanting your voice. The very wrestle of the garden is waging it's war in me. And here I stand at the place of decision. Will I choose to heed YOUR quiet whisper and throw off reason's seduction? God I am so weak. I am so prideful. I am so stubborn and stuck! I cannot do it. I do not want to grieve your Spirit but I fear I am pushing you away. Must I deny you three times? Can you, will you do in me what I cannot do? In these coming days I ask for a baptism in your Holy Spirit, I want to walk in the light as you are in the light.

"For those who desire to know God's POWER, there is a bit of a price to pay. It has never been popular to deviate from the common path. For those who desire God's PRESENCE, there is an even greater cost involved. They will surely be misunderstood and reviled. But the greatest price is reserved for those who want to know God's PERSON. Being more closely identified with Him has always had its price tag in this world."-Charles A. Haun

Embracing my humanity

I am of another kingdom. Truth be known, I am supernatural - a brand new creation, a child born of the Spirit not of flesh. A sojourner on this earth. This is not my home. And my home is so different from this one. In my home there is no tears, no pain, no sickness, no suffering, no fear, no death. No one could convince me otherwise.I am not delusional.

And yet, something is always reminding me otherwise. I get wounded, I cry, I hurt, I bleed. I find myself falling again, stumbling, ashamed. I fight sickness. I shrink in fear. I'm growing older but not always wiser.I try to be strong because I know the truth. I speak it, declare it -renewing my mind, gaurding myself from the enemy's deception of the temporary as reality. And I hate myself for forgetting whose I am.

And then He comes and loves me as I am. Human. I've seen and felt enough of 'human' for it to prey on me like a vulgar word. I've had enough of a taste of glory to ache for eternity.

I fight it. Shrink from it. I want so badly to stand in the truth.But ironically my Father, the King of the kingdom from home invites me to embrace this humanity....this place of brokeness and weakness where He first found me.

And then He reminds me that He too left His kingdom, His glory and strength and embraced humanity in all it's fullness. He too endured rejection, hunger, lonliness, abandonment, abuse. He did NOTHING of his own accord. He too was vulnerable, dependent, in need. He voluntarily made himself nothing, a servant of mankind. He bore the weight of the guilt and torment of sin and the judgement on sinful humanity. He completely identified Himself with humanity. Human was not an ugly word to Him. He sees something beautiful in Humanity. He creates her, adorns her, crowns her, pursues her, comes to be near to her, bring hope to her, express his affection for her, protect her, lay down his life for her....like a lover He is forever after her.

To embrace MY humanity is to embrace and itentify myself with humanity, standing with Jesus in the fellowship of His sufferings. To walk in fellowship with the suffering of my brother's and sisters. To remember my own bondage and know my own weakness and see the world through rescued eyes. With compassion not judgement. Holding Daddy's hand and grabbing another along the way - walking together, leaning on one-another, remembering that the Kingdom of God is still within me.

From glass alabaster she poured out the depths of her soul.

O foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotries known.

Falls a tear to darken the dirt.Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt. She is strong enough to stand in your love. I can hear her say....

I'm weak, I'm poor, I'm broken Lord but I'm yours. Hold me now.

Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will.

To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled.

Point your finger and laugh if you choose.

To say my beloved is borrowed and used.

She is strong enough to stand in your love.I can hear her say....

I'm weak, I'm poor, I'm broken Lord, but I'm yours.

(Jennifer Knapp)

Glimpse of Extravegance

I'm observing one man's journey to trust and rest and I am humbled: http://worshipmadly.blogspot.com/ I find myself asking You if *I* trust you that much but my heart knows the answer. Oh God...open my eyes to see just how much you are pursuing me and my loved ones. Give me a glimpse of your jealous affections. All I want is You. Please let me see how much you want me too. And if it's all a mascerade because I'm so numb, I invite you to bring a deeper famine.I want the cry in my spirit to become louder. Blind me with your glory that I might truely see. Let me feel the depth of sorrow and longing the bridegroom has for His missing bride. And if I'm ever in the way...get me out of the way.

Just listening & observing

"LORD, I have given up my pride and turned away from my arrogance. I am not concerned with great matters or with subjects too difficult for me. Instead, I am content and at peace. As a child lies quietly in its mother's arms, so my heart is quiet within me. Israel, trust in the LORD now and forever!" Psalm 131:1-3

Things are quiet in my heart. That's new. I am fully aware that God is working in me. I am blown away that He has placed some simple things in front of me..and that's it, that's all. So now that I've decided to stop checking my own heart, picking at it for more and trusting the Holy Spirit. I'm enjoying life more...enjoying God, enjoying me, enjoying my family and my friends......

That is just it...love enjoys, it doesn't just tolerate. And here I am entering into a peek of your pleasure over me and all of creation. Mmmmmm.....feels good Pappa.

Wild and free

A precious sister from the Kod community has given me permission to share this. I found it greatly encouraging.

"One evening as I was worshipping the lord was singing a song over me and he kept saying "wild and free, wild and free, wild and free." It was really beautiful and I could just see myself in an open field under a dark stormy sky, with the wind blowing on my face. I was in a white dress and I was twirling round and round and round and round. I was soo free!! Later I asked the lord what he meant by wild...Why would God want me to be wild.. And the Lord said--I don't want domesticated christians!! Wow!! That blew my mind as I thought about everything that we as humans domesticate. And the lord brought a bird to my mind. Before humans domesticate birds, birds are free to fly in the skys, they are free to sing their own tune, they are free to eat fresh food everyday, they are just so free. Then when they are domesticated they are put in cages, to sit on a stick, to eat the same food for a week-the same water, to sing what they hear. The Lord showed me that christians have become caged up--put in cages of tradition of men, doctrine or men, fear of men, depression--the lord showed me that there were many cages that kept people from freedom.......and it's as if we sit on the same stick all day--not free to explore what the Lord has for us--and always eating the same food---until we become dull---dull just sitting on a stick. And then the lord showed me how birds just sing what they hear and the lord showed me how people just mimic what they hear in church and never sing new songs to him--he showed me the danger of familiarity. SOOO,,,,,, Don't be a domesticated christian--Be a WILD CHRISTIAN....Be free to fly, to sing, to twirl, to spin, to dance, to be held in his arms...just know his freedom and break loose of those cages--the lord is opening the doors of the cages!!!BE WILD!!!"

Trusting the light of life

I'm just thinking out loud.....

I know that the desert places are a time of growth and wooing and consecration. But I am realizing too that in this place I have been struggling with his voice, with the call to come up and come in to the heart and ways of the Lord. The way of trust and rest.It's dark and painful.

It is completely silly but it is like I am trying to get through a dark tunnel on my own. I could simply depend solely on one candle which another holds but I think that it would be far more superior for me to get through it by sheer determination and intuitivness. What stubborness, pride and craziness!

Jesus said: "I am the light of the world, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life."

There is a sure way out of the darkness. My struggle and resistance are what keep me in the dark. So if I hear his voice and trust his voice, leaning and resting on him as my only source I will no longer be lost.

In his mercy, he uses this place to strip and mold me. He loves me unconditionally in this place until there is finally a YES cry! But Oh that I would always have that yes cry first and trust Him as my light, my only hope, my life.

"As long as we think WE can, or even if we think God will enable us to do it, we are still striving. We must cease to do, and allow Him to do.....We know that Christ was tempted in all areas like as we are, yet without sin. He is over all things, and there"s not a single temptation, situation, problem, or circumstance that He has not already mastered. We do not worry that Christ may stumble, or sin, or be taken advantage of by the enemy. Why? We trust in His Life; we know the Man; we believe He is sufficient, nay, more than sufficient, to answer any and every test, trial, and temptation. Since He lives in me, and I am a vessel which contains His Life, why can I not trust in His Life working through me as much as I would trust Christ on earth? Is it not the same Spirit? Decidedly so!
"Trust in My Life," that Spirit urges. Cease striving, trust Me, watch what happens." (Chip Brogden excerpt from "Trust in my Life")