Saturday, October 18, 2008

Breath in, breathe out

So here I am
learning to breathe again.

Off life support...depending on you to be my very source. And you are.
Thankyou for being my root, my sap, my all.
You are right here with me and yet you beckon me to come close:"Lay your head apon my breast" you say..."Let me put the cup of my love to your lips...drink deeply."
Abba Daddy you are here.El Shaddai you nourish, supply, and satisfy.
Beloved bridegroom I am in your embrace.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Living on manna

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing
Helen Keller

About 5 years back God gave me a peek into my own heart. There it was, a glass jar with NO lid on it. And inside was a butterfly...a butterfly that I suspected had been born in this glass jar.

I don't know when it happened; when I noticed the sky...and that there was more than just the sky to see, and taste and smell, but somehow I was suddenly aware of my desire to experience the free and the wild....the beauty that God intended. To live and breath like Enoch and Abraham of old. The desire was there because the invitation was there(hence no lid)'s always been there, but this time I looked up. I looked beyong my self, beyond the "walls of safety" and took the leap out.

But I'll be honest, I am embracing this freedom, with much terror...this living life beyond walls. I have been frustrated that I can't measure things, outside the walls. I can't contain things, outside the walls. I can't control tomorrow, or today or the next moment. It's just too big, too unpredictable, too creative, too wild! Too much like a creation in need of it's Creator.

And that's just the ugly beautiful of it all. The idols are being exposed. Every issue of shame and insignificance, guilt and emptiness is rising to surface. And I'm beginning to realise how the walls not only helped me feel secure, they at least let me look secure. I have been holding on to a delusion that those walls gave me security and greater self-respect and have settled for much less than complete abandonment to my Father's love.

And that's just it. To live beyond walls is to throw myself into His arms. It's to say I don't trust in the economy, or employment. I don't trust in the institution of marraige, education or religion. I don't trust in my gifts or abilities. I don't trust in peoples good opinion of me. I just trust you. I trust that You are good, you are with me in all this, and your love for me endures. And I choose to trust in YOU one moment at a time.

Paul Young (author of THE SHACK) writes ".... in the process of becoming whole we are continually given opportunities to exchange all the uncertainties of life for the certainty of God’s character. This is an exercise in dependence and we should recogize it for the revolutionary action and rebellious stand against the systems (who are so quick to promise all manner of ‘certainties’).

As we trust God’s character of Love and particularly His active and involved love toward us, we don’t have to understand the circumstances of our lives in order to live freely and live loved. Faith sees past the uncertainties, and in some sense even embraces them, knowing that the certainty of Papa’s love is the only place where there is real solid ground.

Fear, on the other hand, runs from uncertainty or tries to erect systems and devices or gives allegiance to anyone or anything that promises to make life more certain. But the ultimate little child pointing out the emperor’s nakedness, is death. Death is a mockery of every attempt at certainty and why the world lives in fear of death, the one ‘potential’ that is assuredly ‘certain’.

The life of being loved and the life of faith is a life of risk; learning to hear the voice of One who loves in the midst of screaming uncertainties and demanding necessities. It is a journey and process…this learning to live loved. We will make lots of mistakes, but like Peter and Mack, we will come to understand and actually be overwhelmed by joy when we begin to realize that we would rather be sinking out on the water with Jesus than ’safe’ back in the boat, without Him."