A gift worth giving : LIFE!

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son,and they will call him Immanuel,which means ‘God is with us.’” Matthew 1:23

"For to us a child is born, onto us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaih 9:6

The revelations and manifestation of His presence here and now are refreshing proof that Jesus IS ALIVE and INVOLVED in our lives. I don't know why, because I've heard it before, but it really just hit me today that indeed signs and wonders must accompany the beautiful gospel of grace; the great exchange where He bore my death that I may recieve His life. The lost, broken and dying MUST really know that He is the real deal (not a fairytale, a cute little story, a permanent figure in a manger.... or a dead prophet//teacher) but God Almighty....the resurrected Christ....and that He has truely come to give them life to the full!

Wash me with your word.

Your name is like honey, for your words are sweet.....they are life to me. Speak to the broken places that I may be whole. Tell me who I am again. Give me salve for my eyes.

So much more....

"My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:16-19)

Let THE CHILDREN come to me...

One Saturday morning 2 year old boy Joshua heard the song "I See Grace" from his bedroom, then he stopped playing and started to sing from his pure heart...



Jesus my help,
I call on Your name!
I cast my cares on You.

Jesus my hope,
My tower of strength!
My faith is found in You.

I see You pierced, wounded for me,
When I look to the cross, I see.....

I see grace,
Sealed by Your sacrifice.
I see love reaching for me
Precious blood,
Washes and sanctifies.
Healing flows,
Setting me free.
I see grace.....

Bearer of sin,
Afflicted and tried!
You paid redemption's price.

Bearing my curse,
You've set me on high!
Your death has brought me life.

I see You pierced, wounded for me,
When I look to the cross I see.....

I see grace,
Sealed by Your sacrifice!
I see love reaching for me.

Precious blood,
Washes and sanctifies
Healing flows,
Setting me free.
I see grace.....

"Our LORD and Ruler, your name is wonderful everywhere on earth! You let your glory be seen in the heavens above. With praises from children and from tiny infants, you have built a fortress. It makes your enemies silent, and all who turn against you are left speechless. I often think of the heavens your hands have made, and of the moon and stars you put in place. Then I ask, "Why do you care about us humans? Why are you concerned for us weaklings? You made us a little lower than you yourself, and you have crowned us with glory and honor. You let us rule everything your hands have made. And you put all of it under our power-- the sheep and the cattle, and every wild animal, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and all ocean creatures. Our LORD and Ruler, your name is wonderful everywhere on earth!" (Psalm 8:1-9)

Father, here I come with empty hands. I raise them to you who loves me. I am your child. I know you reach for me. I shall not want.

(Thanks Julie for sharing this video, what a precious reminder of the one thing that matters)

Letting go

Father has a way of disarming us so that HE alone can be be our protection. How else will we get to the origin of Eden where we were naked and yet unashamed? Gently, like this weeks snowstorm, he comes without warning and says "Lay down your weapons....lay down your self preservation. Let go of the things that you think will keep your world together..can I alone be your source of hope and strength and peace? You don't have to play God. I AM. To live in dependance is to enter the vulnerability of humanity, as I did."



"....so I untie the bough line
let it slip through my fingers
I want to call the ship back to the shore.
Instead I struggle out a prayer that finds its way through tear drops,
and my heart cracks in two as I let go.
If I didn't know your captain...
If I didn't trust His skills....
I'd keep you safe at home within our loving arms
but I know you must be going
with the wind that now is blowing
I will watch and pray for you
I will keep a place for you....."

( excert from a song by Paul Young that touched me this week in the middle of my stuff )

The nature of God

"Absolute Surrender is frightening only to the extent that we don't KNOW or TRUST God's character." - Steve McVey

My life....your life...has been a journey to the center of HIS heart. All the circumstances of our lives, a tapestry woven, until we see the big picture - Christ, the all sufficient one. Christ, (in you) the hope of glory. Until the masterpiece is formed. (Galations 4:19)

I dedicate today's entry to my family in Christ worldwide who I love with all my heart, some struggling in the wilderness of the unknown, struggling through fear and unbelief and others now resting in the land of His promises and abundant life.

"Beloved, He will not rest himself until you have a revelation of what He is really, really like....From this day on there is no such thing as a GOOD day or a BAD day, there is only a DAY OF GRACE. And some days the grace of God allows you to ENJOY what is happening and some days the grace of God allows you to ENDURE what is happening...And the grace of God is going to come and bring with it the nature of God, that you might Know Him, and rest in Him and live in Him, and move in Him and worship Him and represent Him." - Graham Cooke

I love this journey Father. This bringing me to the end of myself, and the beginning.

You are again revealing another broken cictern for what it is and I am once again left naked and yet covered by your love. ALL of my identity and femininity and purpose and hunger for being has been wrapped up in my role as wife and mother and I've sucked it dry. I am not sure who I am, not sure what you intended for me. And I have exhausted this idol! Even this stripped? Do you really just want me? With all my failures? With all this incompetency? Yes even in the simplicity of being a woman I do not measure up to my own expectations. How beautiful your ways.

I am ready to let you create in me, to shine through me, to be my very life....Not by my own doing. Not by my trying anymore.... Be my identity and enable me to see who I am in YOU. I am so empty without you. Come love me. Come fill me. Come break these walls of fear and rebuke these lies of intimidation. Come teach me how to rest IN YOU completely. Let my identity become as the beloved. I want to be "the loved one". Nothing more. Fruit happens. :)

Breath in, breathe out

So here I am
learning to breathe again.

Off life support...depending on you to be my very source. And you are.
Thankyou for being my root, my sap, my all.
You are right here with me and yet you beckon me to come close:"Lay your head apon my breast" you say..."Let me put the cup of my love to your lips...drink deeply."
Abba Daddy you are here.El Shaddai you nourish, supply, and satisfy.
Beloved bridegroom I am in your embrace.

Living on manna

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller

About 5 years back God gave me a peek into my own heart. There it was, a glass jar with NO lid on it. And inside was a butterfly...a butterfly that I suspected had been born in this glass jar.

I don't know when it happened; when I noticed the sky...and that there was more than just the sky to see, and taste and smell, but somehow I was suddenly aware of my desire to experience the free and the wild....the beauty that God intended. To live and breath like Enoch and Abraham of old. The desire was there because the invitation was there(hence no lid).......it's always been there, but this time I looked up. I looked beyong my self, beyond the "walls of safety" and took the leap out.

But I'll be honest, I am embracing this freedom, with much terror...this living life beyond walls. I have been frustrated that I can't measure things, outside the walls. I can't contain things, outside the walls. I can't control tomorrow, or today or the next moment. It's just too big, too unpredictable, too creative, too wild! Too much like a creation in need of it's Creator.

And that's just the ugly beautiful of it all. The idols are being exposed. Every issue of shame and insignificance, guilt and emptiness is rising to surface. And I'm beginning to realise how the walls not only helped me feel secure, they at least let me look secure. I have been holding on to a delusion that those walls gave me security and greater self-respect and have settled for much less than complete abandonment to my Father's love.

And that's just it. To live beyond walls is to throw myself into His arms. It's to say I don't trust in the economy, or employment. I don't trust in the institution of marraige, education or religion. I don't trust in my gifts or abilities. I don't trust in peoples good opinion of me. I just trust you. I trust that You are good, you are with me in all this, and your love for me endures. And I choose to trust in YOU one moment at a time.

Paul Young (author of THE SHACK) writes ".... in the process of becoming whole we are continually given opportunities to exchange all the uncertainties of life for the certainty of God’s character. This is an exercise in dependence and we should recogize it for the revolutionary action and rebellious stand against the systems (who are so quick to promise all manner of ‘certainties’).

As we trust God’s character of Love and particularly His active and involved love toward us, we don’t have to understand the circumstances of our lives in order to live freely and live loved. Faith sees past the uncertainties, and in some sense even embraces them, knowing that the certainty of Papa’s love is the only place where there is real solid ground.

Fear, on the other hand, runs from uncertainty or tries to erect systems and devices or gives allegiance to anyone or anything that promises to make life more certain. But the ultimate little child pointing out the emperor’s nakedness, is death. Death is a mockery of every attempt at certainty and why the world lives in fear of death, the one ‘potential’ that is assuredly ‘certain’.

The life of being loved and the life of faith is a life of risk; learning to hear the voice of One who loves in the midst of screaming uncertainties and demanding necessities. It is a journey and process…this learning to live loved. We will make lots of mistakes, but like Peter and Mack, we will come to understand and actually be overwhelmed by joy when we begin to realize that we would rather be sinking out on the water with Jesus than ’safe’ back in the boat, without Him."

Learning to love faithfully

My nanna passed away last week.
She was a woman that I sadly did not have the priveledge of knowing.....really knowing. She had lived through a difficult childhood but had only spoken a little of it in the last few years of her life here on earth. Moments of humble service, acceptance,and honor had melted the heart enough to allow for moments of vulnerabilty. Love had created a safe place. In those moments of discovery I saw glimpses of a young girl more alive than the woman who shared the stories. My heart grieved over the protective shell that prevented such vitality and passion from emerging more fully. And in this time of rememberance I saw the ways in which she had loved. And I wished not only that I had loved more but that I had seen and recieved more of the love she had offered.

Now, in the safest place, she blooms. In the light of Love she is free. Like an emerging butterfly she will see the beauty He had intended. Like a flower unfurling in the warmth of the sun's gaze, the fragrance that is unique to her shall be poured out as worship and love to her Creator. In His eyes she stands complete. He makes all things new, and beautiful, in His time.

But I am learning. Learning that loving others is not a waste. One waters and waters seed even if there is no immediate recognition of care, no sprout to say "It's working". No, it is only when we look back that we see what love has done. It is really NOW, in my freedom, that I want to and need to say thank you to those of you who loved me and love me still, encouraged me and encourage me still, who never gave up on me and served me a cup of water in Jesus name. You who shine the keeping, covenant love of the Father. You who were Jesus in skin for me.... for many years or maybe in passing. I too am blooming. I am learning to notice the love you extend to me.

John Newton, who himself had drunk deeply from the fountain of grace, once said "If as I go home, a child dropped a halfpence, and if, by giving it another, I can wipe away its tears, I feel I have done something. I should be glad to do greater things but I will not neglect this."

I want to "do something" too. Just one thing, one moment at a time, can and does add hope to dispare. One small candle still lights a dark room. I want the transforming love of Jesus, the tender heart of my Father to flow as a river in my life. I want to see gardens spring up from deserts.

I want to be a safe place....a well to drink from...a servant.... I want to be like the faithful lover of my own soul.

Drink deeply, sleep peaceful

The Father's love
My heart at rest
Full, full, full...mmmmmm

Guarding my heart

"Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

"Be careful," Jesus said to them. "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees."

ANY exhortation that encourages us to focus on what WE must do (in order to experience God's love, blessing, or favor in our life) will NOT bring LIFE to our Spirit. Anything that invites us to add on to the finished work of God in Christ is not good news but rather a message of death...an invitation to a life of curses!

That's alot of voices to push away....

And so it grows quieter around here. Listening...listening for that still small voice.

Shine on me!

This past weekend friends and I spent time hanging out together enjoying the presence of Jesus. As we sang and meditated on this song I began to reflect on the present outpouring of God's glory worldwide....the ever increasing manifestation of His goodness and grace towards the sons of men...and I turned to the Psalms to find words with which to express my thankfulness. My eyes fell on Psalm 67: 1-2 (which is the Psalm we were singing together) and a shift suddenly happened in my heart.

In the Amplified Bible the Psalm reads:
"God be merciful and gracious to us and BLESS us and cause His face to shine upon us and among us (Selah - think of that)That your way may be known upon the earth, your saving power (Your deliverances and Your salvation) among ALL nations."

For the longest time I have not accepted the goodness of God. I have not welcomed the abundant mercy and the lavish blessings that He has longed to pour out apon me. I have been walking as an orphan and believed falsely that to resist my Father's extravegance and be self sufficiant was humilty. How wrong I have been!

"Your goodness is so great! You have stored up great blessings for those who honor you. You have done so much for those who come to you for protection, blessing them before a watching world. " Psalm 31: 19

The world is broken and looking for love. What orphan child doesn't look at a family in which affection, protection, nurture and provision are abundant and long for the same? Why do we act as though we don't need these things and can get by? We have a good and loving Father who says: "Everything I have is yours!"

Joseph Prince has a teaching that expounds on this. He says that Jesus delights in us drawing from Him. We honour God when we take our place as man and let God be God by drawing from Him. The One who said, “I did not come to be served, but to serve,” (Matthew 20:28) loves it when we allow Him to minister to us! How true this is! He IS love and He IS goodness (Exodus 34:6-7) He never stops being who He is but only some are BOLD enough to approach the throne of Grace, sit on His lap and receive from all that He is. There is no limit. And we fall so short when He has even called us to ask for whole nations.

The more I trust His love, the more confident I become. It is the Father's good pleasure to give me the kingdom! I am growing to EXPECT His affection, His protection, His nurture and His provision...not just for me but for others!

Surrender

Take my hand, take my whole life too....
for I can't help falling in love with you.

God you are so good. Your love endures forever! You have patiently waited for me. Wooing me. Lavishing your love and kindness on me. How great is your mercy and grace!

How can I but say YES to you?! How can I hold back when your grace is so secure?! I trust you. Completely. I DO.



I want to play the strings of your heart, God.
Come play the strings of mine.
I want to sing straight to your heart God.
Come sing straight to mine.


You have my heart.
Lord, you have my heart.
Lord, you have my heart.
And I am searching for yours.

Lord, you have my thoughts.
Lord, you have my thoughts.
Lord, you have my thoughts.
And I am searching for yours.

Lord, you have my song.
Lord, you have my song.
Lord, you have my song.
And I am searching for yours.

I'm so in love with you.
I'm so in love with you.
I'm so in love with you.
Jesus

I'm so in love with you.
I'm so in love with you.
I'm so in love with you.
Jesus

One thing matters

There is nothing else worth living for but this!

Qualified through adoption!

"But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12

I was poor, naked, ashamed, in bondage and dying.
I beheld Jesus who was abundantly rich in all things, clothed in humility and majesty, full of favor, love, liberty and life and saw that he was inviting ME to make an exchange and come into union with HIM!
I trusted him. With childlike faith I believed in His love and received His offer of mercy, grace and goodnesss toward me. I believed the exchange to be possible! He took all of my wretchedness and I received all His beauty and dignity. I was given a new name and a new identity! The old was gone and I was made a new creation!
That is the power of the gospel.

When we are born again and begin our lives in the Spirit, God's word says that we are made complete through our union with Christ. That's right! When we place our faith in Jesus we become children of God . We are now holy, acceptable, blamesless, perfect, without a single fault in the Father's eyes. No amount of culture, high ideals, good deeds, status, education, gift, talent or approval of men can ADD to our position in Christ. None of that stuff can exalt us any higher than we already are as sons and daughters of the most High God! HE alone is our goodness; our righteousness. His love has covered us, wrapping us like a priestly/princely robe. The Father's seal of adoption is apon us. The work is FINISHED. We receive the FULLNESS (in Jesus) of all that God created and intended us to be. Our value in the worlds eyes makes no difference to God. We are free from their estimation of our value and worth.

Jesus life, death and resurection purchased this precious gift for me. God's love for me has qualified me!
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I have recently requested a daily devotional sent to my inbox from Joseph Prince. I have added the one that I recieved today below as I thought it very fitting:

All That Jesus Is Before God, You Are

"For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Corinthians 5:21)

When an Israelite brings an animal as his sin offering, he lays his hand on it before killing it. (Leviticus 4:1–4) By laying his hand on the sin offering, his sins are transferred to the innocent animal. The animal dies for his sins and he goes free.

In contrast, with the burnt offering, when the Israelite lays his hand on the animal (Leviticus 1:3–4), the beauty, worthiness and acceptance of the unblemished animal are transferred to him. God accepts the perfection of the animal sacrifice on his behalf to make atonement for him. Because God accepts the unblemished burnt offering, he now has right standing before God.

Do you know that the two offerings speak of Jesus’ one offering of Himself when He hung on the cross? He is both our sin offering and burnt offering — “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us [as our sin offering], that we might become the righteousness of God in Him [as our burnt offering]”. The moment you put your faith in Him, just by His one sacrifice, your sins were transferred to Him, and His righteousness was transferred to you. That is the grace of God towards you!

As our sin offering, He offered Himself once and for all. (Romans 6:10) The sin offering was never a daily offering because God does not want His people to be sin-conscious. However, the burnt offering was both a morning and evening sacrifice (2 Chronicles 13:11) because God wants His people to be righteous-conscious.

Likewise, God wants you to lay claim daily on Jesus as your burnt offering and say, “Father, I thank You that Jesus is my burnt offering. All that Jesus is before You — His righteousness, excellence, beauty and perfection — is transferred to me. Jesus has Your unclouded favour, so I enjoy Your unclouded favour in my life. Jesus is the righteousness of God, so I am the righteousness of God in Christ. As He is before You, so am I.”

Because Jesus became your burnt offering, what He is to the Father today, you are! That is what it means to be in Christ.

Freedom

I will remember your sins NO MORE

After 30 years of acute depression I am gloriously free!!!! Sometime around March or April I began to soak in the message of grace exclusively. It has been soooooooo long that I have struggled with shame, anxiety, fear and a deep sadness that I'm almost hesitant to announce it hahaha but I literally feel an inner bubble of joy and laughter and peace that I have never before experienced. :) I am finally understanding and standing on the truth that I am the beloved and righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. The law and abuse I lived under as a child finally has no hold on me...the healing is no longer just a momentary glimpse. The release of grace, mercy and forgiveness for the ones who "knew not what they were doing" is flowing beyond just choice but now unto full compassion. Praise God!!!

I know I am called to the nations, and now there is NOTHING holding me back! I am so excited by what Jesus is doing in my heart and I am even grateful now for the LONG healing process. I have such a compassion now not just for the wounded but even for the religious legalist whose bondage I deeply understand. There is nothing as debilitating as the burden of condemnation.

I believe the video below is a prophetic picture of what The Father is about to do all over the earth for His bride:



"Heads up! The days are coming
when I'll set up a new plan
for dealing with Israel and Judah.
I'll throw out the old plan
I set up with their ancestors
when I led them by the hand out of Egypt.
They didn't keep their part of the bargain,
so I looked away and let it go.
This new plan I'm making with Israel
isn't going to be written on paper,
isn't going to be chiseled in stone;
This time I'm writing out the plan in them,
carving it on the lining of their hearts.
I'll be their God,
they'll be my people.
They won't go to school to learn about me,
or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons.
They'll all get to know me firsthand,
the little and the big, the small and the great.
They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven,
with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.
By coming up with a new plan, a new covenant between God and his people, God put the old plan on the shelf. And there it stays, gathering dust." (Hebrews 8:6-13)

A sleeping bride is being aroused...awakened from her stupor and captivated by the revelation of a clean conscience. What compassion and mercy is this?! Fear and Condemnation is falling off. Jesus, our beautiful bridegroom will be the desire of all the nations. A revolution is coming!

Starting over

God is taking me on a journey. I am blown away that all those early whispers were truely His calling to me. I am delighted and in awe. I am falling in love all over again, and all the regrets....all the former failures....and all the stuff I tried to make succeed (even that which did) doesn't matter anymore. It finally doesn't matter.

Selah.


"... I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One),and that I may [actually] be found and known as in Him, not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law's demands (ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired), but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith.[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]. Phil.3:8-10 (Amplified)




He is jealous for me
loves like a hurrican I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden...

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

And oh how He loves us oh
Oh how he loves us
how he loves us Oh

We are His portion
and He is our prize
drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
if grace is a notion than we're all sinking

so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
He loves us
oh how he loves us
He loves us
oh how He loves us....

(Song by John Mark McMillan)

Messenger of "Good News"

"Seeing more and more the wonderous supply of grace laid up in Jesus, the fulness of our precious saviour, my guilt and helplessness seemed to increase. Sins committed appeared but as trifles compared with the sin of unbelief which was their cause, which could not or would not take God at his word, but rather made Him a liar! Unbelief I felt was the damning sin of the world; yet I indulged in it. I prayed for faith, but it came not, What was I to do?......." (Hudson Taylor on the struggle for faith)

In my own longing to understand the depth and completeness of all Jesus has done,I found myself crying out "....but Lord I don't know that I yet fully BELIEVE in the finished work! I am still prone to trust my efforts. Why can't I comprehend?" In the quietness I hear...."Rest child, is it not your very unbelief that I have covered with my blood?"

Yes. The very core. The very root of all rotten fruit. Even that. Especially that!
You took MY unbelief and exchanged it for YOUR righteousness.

"If we believe not, He abideth faithful..." 2Timothy 2:13

"...But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One!...and when I saw, oh how joy flowed!.." (Hudson Taylor on the revelation of our oneness with Jesus)

So there's my sin....naked, exposed, craving self-effort and you whisper "Look away from your sin...look at MY righteousness. The righteousness that covers you even now. I am the only sure thing."

"I am crucified with Christ: neverthless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galations 2:20

*****************************************************

"And when he comes, he will convince the world of it's sin, and of God's righteousness, and of the coming judgement. The world's sin is unbeleief in me. Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. Judgement will come because the prince of the world has already been judged." John 16:8

The cross

I have been trusting in an incredible love for almost 29 years now.....trusting but not fully comprehending...

I was 5 years old. Unaware that the next 29 years would hold much shame, confusion and pain. Resting for an afternoon nap.....he appears. On the yellow chair in my room. And he beckons me to follow him. I do, of course. He is Jesus....

And He shows me all that he did for me.....
With simple trust I am forever changed.....born anew that afternoon.

The memory of all that he showed me GONE....
just the memory of his face, the warmth of his love.
and to that I have clung for 29 years

But now, I want to KNOW what he did for me. Not intellectually. I am tired of living by principal. I want to know the very root of the love I saw in his eyes. I want to cling to something stronger than a memory. I want to know the power of the cross!
The cross: where the admiration of humanity will not lure me...or the condemnation of humanity lame me. (Galations 6:14)

return to one thing

...the pain
...the desolation
...the loneliness

...the utter barren.....empty.....landscape

that reveals my heart. Lonely, barren, empty.
Aching for idols ...looking back to Eygpt....wanting comfort

Is this what it was all about....

bringing me to see the dark in me..... and how you love me tenderly

until all that matters is you


God is committed to bringing us the greatest joy possible, however such joy is only found in Him. Therefore, He allows, and even causes, us to have our most cherished dreams shattered in order that we will quit hoping in them and find our joy in Him.- Larry Crab

Behold, I make all things new...

The New year is here now.

It came without fanfare. No grand visions or anxious scribbles of destiny and desire. No...not like the years before.

I weakly ask the Father that my heart not be so jaded that I care not for tomorrow.
And his answer to me is MERCY that is NEW every morning. Just one morning at a time.

I have been timid to write. I have also had little to say. Life has humbled me this past year and I am in reflection alot....in a quieter way then I have known before. My ambitions, ideas, identity and efforts were joustled and shaken. All while jesus slept.

But the storm is over. I can tell because there is a quiet confidence that is not my own....a peace and stillness that hangs over my soul despite my religious leanings otherwise, a rest that only He could bring to this battered heart.

Truely..."A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish." (isaiah 42:3)

So I hold on with fresh hope....with thankfulness that there is today and tomorrow and learning to live from this place.

"Lord, to whom shall (I) go? You have the words of eternal life. (I) have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God." Isaiah 6:68-69
I dont know much anymore God...but I know I love you.

Perhaps Im not alone:
Webisode 4

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